Everybody Wants to Rule the World

Well, hello! We meet again and boy do I have some stuff to tell you!

Let me start with the good.

-I'm skinny! Ok, that's a boldface lie. I have lost 12 lbs. in about a month. I haven't been working out. I've just changed my eating habits. Amazing! I was tied for first place in the biggest loser at school, but I'm now in 2nd. So for the next few days (5 to be exact), I'm on fruit, veggies, and water. Yikes! Whatever. I can do it...as long as I can have McD's at the end of the 5 days. :) Wish me luck. There's $100 bucks at stake.

-My students rock. Did you know that? They are THE smartest, funniest, most compassionate, innocent little people ever. On days, when I come in the room wishing I had chosen a different profession, I look out into my class. I see their little heads bent working on their journals, talking animatedly during partner share, or struggling to sound out a word (like acrobatics!) and my heart swells with joy. I'm so grateful for my little sweet hippie class.

On a less than positive note, I realized this morning how much I dislike who I've become. Yeah, I've grown up, but I've lost a lot of the "spark" I had. It hit me like a ton of bricks.

I've been trying too hard to conform to the adult world. This has 1 main reason. I have no friends my own age. All the people I deal with (in a social setting) are either older (most of them at 30-34, which isn't old...just more mature), married (ick), or have kids (double ick). So when I get around these people I either over-exaggerate myself so become a novelty or I become pensive (I think about every move I make and every word I say). I just can't relax and be myself. I get so afraid of people knowing and liking the real me, that I just chameleonize (yeah, I made that word up). Adult doesn't mean lame, confined, boring, or even polite. Well, the chameleon has become me and I'm not feeling it!


The fake me is organized, constantly professional when it is unnecessary, thoughtful, never late, responsible, active, dedicated, polite, always appropriate, quiet, caring, loves everyone, 32 years old and (worst of all) restrained. (She doesn't sound so bad unless you actually know me!)

The real me is loud, raunchy, a little rude, could less most of the time, messy, lazy, thinks babies are strange (sweet but strange), forgetful, laughs at inappropriate times, tardy much of the time, impulsive, knows every word to "Shots" and "Baby Got Back"(and isn't ashamed), is uninformed, a pop music junkie, flawed, silly, 23 years old, loves a good concert, stays up late, reckless, carefree, a dancing queen, patient, funny (what I miss the most about my real self). Best of all the real me is free! She doesn't take life too seriously because she only gets one.

I quit. It's too exhausting trying to be something I'm not. So guess what? I'll probably laugh if you fall. I might tell you a dirty joke in a staff meeting. I'm going to be late for our dinner plans. I'll spend too much on a new purse. I will cringe when you talk about childbirth or pregnancy. I'm going to out dance you. I may have lost that paper you gave me. I will belt out a Katy Perry or Ke$ha song. I probably won't remember your birthday. I just might make you laugh until you cry. Guess what though? You'll probably love me. So ha! Take that!

I've found adult to mean coming into your own, which is much more realistic and beautiful.

Let me add this note. My brother is a genius. He told me "patience is a talent". How true is that? His simple statement reminded me that God's timing is perfect. He has a plan and it's my job to live for Him and see that plan realized. It is NOT to try and figure out God's plan and then tweak it! I'm so grateful for my bro's insightful words and my realization that chameleonizing myself only hurts me.

Oh my! Look at the time! 9:22! Only 38 mins until bedtime.
xo